Saturday, December 31, 2011
Always on my mind...
Although it has been 2 1/2 years since my mom passed away from ovarian cancer, I don't think it will ever seem real. Maybe that is good because it means that the memories of her are still so close to my heart. I don't know why, but what I do know is that when the thought of her death hits me, it still takes my breath away. I don't know if it was the dream of being back in high school, the recent time with that side of my family or the opportunity to have so many great talks with my mother-in-law this week, but this morning my mom was there, the breath was taken once again and the tears began to flow. I am so thankful for her in my life-the friendship we had and the example she was. I only remember once being "embarrassed" and that was short lived because she was chaperoning a dance-but once the dance started it was cool. She was always invited to be at my dances, my games and my events-to cheer me on. I never lied to her, I always told on myself, because despite the poor choice that I may have made at the time, she still always looked upon me with open arms and love. She was an amazing person and had an amazing testimony-even now while she is gone, her faith and character are high in many people's eyes. So when I think of her I wonder why God chose to take her at such a young age-weren't there worse moms He could have taken out of this world? I know this is a selfish thought and she would have reminded me that she was secure in her salvation-she had a hope and she is with Him now, by choosing her He allowed the other mom another chance to make a change. It's amazing the things that are happening in our family now-and I believe it all started long ago because of her. I hope that I have the same relationship with my children and the same impact that she did someday.
Check out her story under her blog listed above (Connie's journey). I bet she will touch your life as she did so many others!
Thursday, December 22, 2011
What we really remember...
As I sit here wrapping presents and thinking "Is this all?" I am thankful for my husband. He constantly reminds me of the true meaning of Christmas while I remind him what it was like to be a child. Our combinations of personalities have brought us to a great place this year.
A couple of years ago when I placed the presents under the tree the night before it was insane. We had gone way overboard and spent way too much money. If I remember correctly they were still at the age that it took forever and some coaxing to keep opening. Last year we managed to downsize quite a bit, but we still could've done less and enjoyed ourselves. This year, I think we got it right! Each child will get one large special gift, something they have been wanting and will really truly appreciate, not just more junk to be thrown into the toy closet. Also they will get a shirt, a cocoa mug and then of course their stockings with the basics: toothbrush, chocolate, gum, orange and a little toy. Of course they will have their gifts from Grampy Baboo, Angin and Yaya, James' siblings and their one simple gift that Santa brings.
While it doesn't seem like much to some, I know they are perfect for them. So while I sit here and reminisce awhile I find myself falling into the emotional Sommer thinking of my Mom. I know that she and Dad always provided for us the best they could and searched out the things we would really appreciate and enjoy. Tears fall as I hope she knows that we always enjoyed Christmas even if it was little or "second hand." My memories aren't of the toys though, but of the days surrounding--Christmas Eve at grams enjoying the bowl of nuts, trying to find the perfect filled candy and not get the gross ones, fudge and "round cheese" the warmth of the house and the spots we sat in while Aunt Cathy played "Santa" and then Gram opening up all of hers last. On Christmas I remember waiting at the top of the stairs until Dad had his coffee ready, opening the stockings first, the surprise of what Dad's work gave us that year, waiting for Gram to come over so we could show her our new things and then relaxing at home the rest of the day together.
I can't really remember any gifts off hand besides the year we all got Alvin and the Chipmunks from Dads work (I got Simon LOL), but what I remember is mom watching and smiling and twiddling her hair and enjoying us-her family. I have to believe that she knew how happy we were and how much we enjoyed Christmas because of her. She would have loved to be home last week when all of her grandkids were together. I can hear her laugh and see her smile while she sits and watches them. I hope that my kids will remember that peacefulness about me, just enjoying them-enjoying themselves.
A couple of years ago when I placed the presents under the tree the night before it was insane. We had gone way overboard and spent way too much money. If I remember correctly they were still at the age that it took forever and some coaxing to keep opening. Last year we managed to downsize quite a bit, but we still could've done less and enjoyed ourselves. This year, I think we got it right! Each child will get one large special gift, something they have been wanting and will really truly appreciate, not just more junk to be thrown into the toy closet. Also they will get a shirt, a cocoa mug and then of course their stockings with the basics: toothbrush, chocolate, gum, orange and a little toy. Of course they will have their gifts from Grampy Baboo, Angin and Yaya, James' siblings and their one simple gift that Santa brings.
While it doesn't seem like much to some, I know they are perfect for them. So while I sit here and reminisce awhile I find myself falling into the emotional Sommer thinking of my Mom. I know that she and Dad always provided for us the best they could and searched out the things we would really appreciate and enjoy. Tears fall as I hope she knows that we always enjoyed Christmas even if it was little or "second hand." My memories aren't of the toys though, but of the days surrounding--Christmas Eve at grams enjoying the bowl of nuts, trying to find the perfect filled candy and not get the gross ones, fudge and "round cheese" the warmth of the house and the spots we sat in while Aunt Cathy played "Santa" and then Gram opening up all of hers last. On Christmas I remember waiting at the top of the stairs until Dad had his coffee ready, opening the stockings first, the surprise of what Dad's work gave us that year, waiting for Gram to come over so we could show her our new things and then relaxing at home the rest of the day together.
I can't really remember any gifts off hand besides the year we all got Alvin and the Chipmunks from Dads work (I got Simon LOL), but what I remember is mom watching and smiling and twiddling her hair and enjoying us-her family. I have to believe that she knew how happy we were and how much we enjoyed Christmas because of her. She would have loved to be home last week when all of her grandkids were together. I can hear her laugh and see her smile while she sits and watches them. I hope that my kids will remember that peacefulness about me, just enjoying them-enjoying themselves.
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Why I am writing...
I am so excited to start this blog. It has been on my mind for awhile, but it's always a little scary opening up to good friends, let alone to the world. Well, here goes...
I have been with my husband, James, for 13 years, married for nine. We have three amazing children-Kai almost 7, Dylan 5 1/2 and Maya 3 1/2. I am blessed to be able to stay at home with them, but I would be lying if I said it was all a piece of cake. In all honesty, though, the goods almost always outway the bad.
Recently we have made some big changes in our lives and it has caused a lot of emotions to come out. I know I have allowed them to take control of me. This is not the person I thought I was nor the person I ever wanted to be.
James says that I wear my emotions on my sleeves and my mom always said I was either way up or way down and there was never any in-between. While it is true that I am a bit crazy at times, I know that when I have taken care of myself spiritually (spending time in the word and in prayer), physically (good diet and exercise) and emotionally (allowing myself time alone without responsibilities) I am more emotionally stable. This also makes me a much better wife and mother. So why is it so hard to find time for these in my life?
That is what this blog is about, sharing and learning how to be the person God intended me to be despite all the craziness and drama that comes with everyday life. I know I am not perfect, I know that I fail everyday but I am thankful that His mercies are new every morning. My hope and prayer for this blog is that it helps me learn to be that calmer, more loving-"lose the tone and facial expression" person that I want to be and also that it touches those who read it. A friend told me today to just laugh because life really is good and I am truly blessed!
I have been with my husband, James, for 13 years, married for nine. We have three amazing children-Kai almost 7, Dylan 5 1/2 and Maya 3 1/2. I am blessed to be able to stay at home with them, but I would be lying if I said it was all a piece of cake. In all honesty, though, the goods almost always outway the bad.
Recently we have made some big changes in our lives and it has caused a lot of emotions to come out. I know I have allowed them to take control of me. This is not the person I thought I was nor the person I ever wanted to be.
James says that I wear my emotions on my sleeves and my mom always said I was either way up or way down and there was never any in-between. While it is true that I am a bit crazy at times, I know that when I have taken care of myself spiritually (spending time in the word and in prayer), physically (good diet and exercise) and emotionally (allowing myself time alone without responsibilities) I am more emotionally stable. This also makes me a much better wife and mother. So why is it so hard to find time for these in my life?
That is what this blog is about, sharing and learning how to be the person God intended me to be despite all the craziness and drama that comes with everyday life. I know I am not perfect, I know that I fail everyday but I am thankful that His mercies are new every morning. My hope and prayer for this blog is that it helps me learn to be that calmer, more loving-"lose the tone and facial expression" person that I want to be and also that it touches those who read it. A friend told me today to just laugh because life really is good and I am truly blessed!
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