Homesick

It's been quite an emotional week for me.  I know that when we strive to do better it is there that the enemy attacks-so why do I fall for it every time? 

Since we moved to Maryland in October I have been enjoying it here and yes there have been times I have missed East Hampton, but it wasn't until this past week that I have felt homesick for our home and life we had there for the past nine years.

In a conversation with Maya I mentioned "this summer when we are on the beach..."and it hit me all of a sudden that I will not be right around the corner from the beach and it will not be our "all summer thing" to do.  It was kind of sad. 

I am a person who is use to being with people, yes I need "my time" but I like hanging out.  Its been quiet here and I have missed my friends and acquaintances from where I still call home. 

I have missed my best friend as the phone calls and texts are less and less and then today to top it all off while her baby was in the hospital, I wasn't able to be there for her physically.

Add all these emotions and not being able to talk them through with my mom and I am a bit crazy! 

I believe we are where we are meant to be.  I believe that I will go to the beach a few times this summer.  I believe that God has special friends for me here and I believe my mom is up there cheering me on.  It still makes for an emotional ride and I have to keep clinging to His promise for me-that He who began a good work in me will complete it-through my new lifestyle and through my new friends.  I just have to keep striving and be patient-that fruit we are learning next week!  BUT, what a coincidence this week we are talking about PEACE!

Loving a Sad Heart!

I am feeling a strange sadness today as I look around and hear purposeful deaths of children.  When I was at the gym the other day I overheard a conversation of a ten year committing suicide because she was being bullied.  Ten years old!!!!  My heart just broke.  Today I heard of a friend's child trying to kill herself-I am not sure of her age, but I don't believe she is much older than that.  It drains my soul and my heart cries out!  Did she not know how much her family loved her?  Did her family not realize her agony?  Did they not see her cry for help?  This hits so close to home since we have dealt with Kai being bullied this year-at six and a half years old.  Did we handle the situation properly? Does he know we love him and we will protect him? Does he know how much he is worth to us?  The thought of him trying to take his own precious life is so unfathomable!  I hope that we never come to that place ever!  God is teaching me to appreciate my children so much more-but why does it have to come from someone else's loss or pain to open my eyes?  Yesterday I posted on facebook:  "Today instead of sitting and watching at the playground I chose to wrestle and light saber, make and eat 'chocolate cake' but not without singing happy birthday to all the kids who joined in-and laugh with my kids!  This is what its meant to feel like!"    We are working through the Fruit of the Spirit in our home.  During breakfast we go over the scripture and at dinner we draw from our "pot" different questions to discuss.  This week we have been learning LOVE.  God has been reminding me what love is:  "Love is patient.  Love is kind.  It does not want what belongs to others.  It does not brag.  It is not proud.  It is not rude.  It does not easily become angry.  It does not keep track of other people's wrongs.  Love is not happy with evil, but it is full of joy when the truth is spoken.  It always protects.  It always trusts.  It always hopes.  It never gives up.  Love never fails."  (1 Corinthians 13:4-8a NIRV)  That is powerful stuff and boy do I need to work on many of them.  I hope I am getting better at showing and teaching my children how to love and be loved.  To laugh, dance and get down and dirty with them just to see the joys on their faces-that is one of the true blessings of being a parent!  Love on your children today!

Another start....again!

Ugh!  Why can't I just get it right?  Its only the first and I have already lost my patience and yelled.  Everyone went to bed in an uproar again!  I love my kids more than anything, so why do I allow myself to do the same old routine that doesn't work when I know there is another way?  I am going to bed sad too and feeling like I failed as a mother again.  Why do I allow myself to have these tantrums with them? Why is it so hard to let love win over stupid petty stuff?  Tomorrow's another day...I WILL do better, I will defeat this horrible side to me yet!
I find it interesting that this has been on my mind since yesterday and then I read it on my sister's blog (see sidebar) "The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases.  His mercies they never come to an end.  They are new every morning, new every morning.  Great is Thy faithfulness oh Lord, great is Thy faithfulness!"